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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
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great joke here's my input:
A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see...
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute:
" Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically , it tells me that Saturn is in Leo...
Time wise , it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically , it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. ...
Meteorologically , it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks :
"Practically...it tells me that someone has stolen our tent" !!!
A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see...
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute:
" Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically , it tells me that Saturn is in Leo...
Time wise , it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically , it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. ...
Meteorologically , it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks :
"Practically...it tells me that someone has stolen our tent" !!!
'07 Lexus GS430
'04 Kawasaki ZX-10R
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'04 Kawasaki ZX-10R
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1
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife
said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."
2
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in
the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second
blonde says,"Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the
compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"
3
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the
blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and
as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do
it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant? "Is it mine?"
5
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and
his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands,
she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call
the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND
policeman."
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife
said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."
2
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in
the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second
blonde says,"Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the
compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"
3
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the
blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and
as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do
it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant? "Is it mine?"
5
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and
his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands,
she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call
the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND
policeman."
87 RON
Mazda RX7 Type R
Integra DB7
Torneo SiR
Mazda RX7 Type R
Integra DB7
Torneo SiR
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A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the
sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
"Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required
to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said,
"Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
"Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required
to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said,
"Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Last edited by rxse7en on Thu Jul 06, 2006 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
87 RON
Mazda RX7 Type R
Integra DB7
Torneo SiR
Mazda RX7 Type R
Integra DB7
Torneo SiR
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haashte haashte obostha kharap. ho ho ho
Be Nice DUOOOOODE
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ahaha.................. ato joke.. all together........... ahahahaha.... besi joss...
4AGE= 4 A Great Experience
'85 Corolla 4AGE 20V
'67 300SE
'86 March
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'85 Corolla 4AGE 20V
'67 300SE
'86 March
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